from 3lbs.! Last night Brooke weighed in at 2lb. 14.9oz. The night before she was 2lb. 13oz., so that's a pretty big gain. It *might not be accurate. We'll see what she weighs tonight!

She got a blood transfusion yesterday, which is not a huge surprise she ended up needing one. With getting blood taken for lab work, the little ones just can't always replenish their red blood cells fast enough. Ryan had numerous transfusioins while he was in. He also recieved platelets quite a few times.

Today they decided to increase her feedings to 17cc's every 2 hours.

Last night I went down with my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Rodger so they could see Brooke for the first time : ). Then I stayed and Doug's mom came down. The plan was for her to hold her for the first time, but then her nurse said that she really would rather I kangarooed her because her temp had been a little low. So hopefully she'll get to hold her sometime this weekend!

Here's some pics!

This was taken when she was getting her 8:00 feeding. Her nurse actually gave her a few tastes of my milk while she was sucking on the pacifier. She was really going to town on it!

Check out this hat! LOL. I first saw it on a baby on someone else's blog. I linked my June (pregnancy) loop to it because I thought it was so funny/cute. They went together and got this hat for Brooke : ). Doug hates it. LOL. I just think it's hysterical!

Here's her collection so far! The polar bear came with my flowers from the Cloth Diaper Board. I just got her the little flower and the doll yesterday. The doll is "Taggies" brand and has tags all over it since babies seem to love them so much. I thought it was adorable! That pink paper hanging below is where they chart her weight. It looks so empty because they just started a second one for her. I really like that they do that because it's easy to just go in and write them down instead of always bugging the nurse about her weight! : )

3lbs. here we come...

Brooke is now up to 2lb. 12oz.! It will be so awesome when she hits 3lbs. : ). She's still doing wonderful. Still on 1L flow, still tolerating her feedings. Not much to report!

Last night my mom and I went down to see her. My dad was supposed to go, but he came down with a cold. We got there and her nurse was going to let me bath her, but I decided to let her show me how they do it first. She said they are normally bathed on Mondays and Thursdays when they're this small and that if we're ever not going to be there on one of those nights and we want to bath her another night we can : ). My mom and I were both amazed at how calm Brooke was during her bath! (It was just a sponge bath.) We figured she would be fussing and crying, but she didn't at all! You could tell she wasn't completely thrilled with it, though.

After her bath, she got dressed...

...so that she could warm up, so that....

....Nanny (my mom) could hold her for the first time! : ) She was so excited to be able to hold her.

I held her for a little while, too. Then we put her back in her bed so she could warm up again before she got out to get weighed. She looks so cute in clothes!

Update and lots of pics!

First here are the pics from Thursday night (when she hit 2lbs. 10.3oz.). I haven't had a chance to post them until now!

I love baby feet ; )

She looks SO long here!

Doug always puts his hand on his chest just like this, lol.

Brooke is still doing awesome! She's currently on 1.5L flow (been bouncing between 2L and 1.5L). Her feedings got increased 1cc per feeding today so she'll now be getting 16cc's every 2 hours. Friday night she gained a whopping 4 grams, lol...and last night she gained 20 grams, so she's now up to 2lb. 11oz.!

I went in this morning to see her and this is how I found her:

So sweet...looks like she could just be tucked right back inside me ; ). I asked her nurse if I could hold her and she said sure. I was waiting for her to bring some warm blankets to kangaroo her and then she came over and asked if I needed help getting her out. I told her maybe since I was there by myself. I told her I'd gotten her out to kangaroo her before (with help) and she said she was big enough to dress her and hold her : ). They keep sleepers there for the babies to wear so she went and got one and told me I could dress her and wrap her up and get her out : ). So here she is wearing her first clothes:

The sleeper is just a *tad big, lol.

I asked her nurse if we could bring her clothes in to wear and she said sure, just to bring a couple at a time and make sure we initial them so they don't get mixed up with their things. I don't have any pics of me holding her since I was there by myself. But here are a couple more I took after I put her back in (and changed another poopy diaper).

My baby shower was yesterday and it was great! We had a lot of people come and Brooke got lots of goodies. One of the coolest gifts was from our friends Heather and Jeramy (and their boys Zachary and Logan). Heather and I first "met" on an AOL message board when she was pregnant with Zachary and I was pregnant with Ryan (we were both due in December). She came to Ryan's first birthday party and we've been attending each other's kids parties ever since! So anyway, Heather is a scrapbooker and she made us a beautiful "pre-made" scrapbook so all we have to do is add pictures to it! There's actually 2 scrapbooks...the 2nd one contains poems, pictures, messages, etc. from other girls from our message board that I've also grown quite close to (but haven't had the pleasure of meeting most of them in real life). They are both beautiful and so special to me! Brooke also received 2 handmade blankets and a handmade sweater and bonnet. She got some preemie clothes, too, which are in the washing machine right now so we'll be able to take them to the hospital for her to wear. Right now she'll only be wearing clothes when she's taken out to be held, but eventually (when she moves to an "open bed", she'll wear clothes all the time). I'm a tad bummed I didn't get to be pregnant at this shower, either, but I just keep looking at the big picture and reminding myself how blessed we really are with how things have turned out despite Brooke being so early!

2lb. 10.3oz.!!!

Brooke finally made it back to her birthweight! She's actually 10 grams above it, at 1200 grams exactly. Woooohoooo! She gained very well the past 3 nights. I think the trend will continue now. She is also back down to 1.5L flow on her nasal cannula, still in room air. Her feedings are still at 15cc's every 2 hours, but she may get bumped up a cc today or tomorrow since she's gaining well and bigger.

I went down last night again with Doug's mom and kangarooed her. I had her curled up on my chest right between my boobs and that little stinker got her upper body twisted around so her head was in the crook of my right arm! LOL. At one point she had her left arm under head and then she had both arms curled in front of her. She's so cute and I can't believe how strong she is! After I was done holding her was when she got weighed and then she was wide awake. It's so neat to see her "looking around" (I don't think she can see very much at this point).

I don't have time to post pics right now, but be on the lookout for some new ones soon! : )

Trucking along

Brooke is still pretty much the same : ). She's tolerating her feedings great...she's now up to 15cc's (approx. 1/2 an ounce) every 2 hours and it's being fortified to 24 calories per ounce. Monday night she lost some weight, but I forgot to ask this morning what her weight was last night. As of Monday she was still around 2lb. 7oz. Hopefully she'll start gaining steadily soon. She's still on 2L flow on room air. And she's still having her apnea/heart rate spells. I guess last night she had 6 of them, so they did bloodwork again this morning. Her nurse was pretty confident that everything is fine, though. When I talked to her this morning, her bloodwork results should have been back, but she hadn't heard anything yet (good sign) and the doctor was just making rounds and hadn't gotten to Brooke yet. Her nurse did mention that one night over the weekend, Brooke had 15 spells one night....nobody ever told us she had *that many. They did bloodwork then, too, but it came back good. I can't wait until she outgrows this!

My mom and dad watched Ryan last night and Doug and I went down to the NICU together alone for the first time since the day I got discharged. She had one of my favorite nurses, Kathy. She asked us right away if we wanted to get her out. Doug planned on kangarooing her. She brought us the warm blankets to put over her and kind of implied that we could get her out ourselves. So I asked her and she was all gung ho for us getting her out on our own! She didn't even stay and watch. I guess she figures we're pros by now ; ). And since Brooke no longer has the IV, there's nothing to really worry about messing up. If her leads come off or something, they can be popped right back on. And Doug got her out all on his own : ). (I was telling him I think that's really cool b/c I know some guys are afraid of breaking a 6lb. baby and he just laughed. LOL.) He let me put her back in her bed. Here are a few pics:

She really likes her hand up by her mouth!

Awwww : )

I think she looks like Doug!

I ordered Brooke her very first hair bows from www.FiveBlessedBows.com. They came on Monday and I couldn't wait to put one on her and take a pic! LOL.

It's not actually clipped in her hair...it's just laying there. (Sorry this pic is so dark!)

On a sucky note, I noticed yesterday that I have thrush on BOTH breasts. Ugh. I got this while pumping for Ryan, too. And I had a heck of a time getting rid of it! In fact, I got so frustrated because they wouldn't give him my milk while I had it and I couldn't get rid of it and I hated pumping SO much, that I talked to one of the neonatologists (this was at West Penn in Pittsburgh) about quitting pumping and he gave me the go ahead. It still took me weeks to get rid of it. So now it's back. The good news is, this NICU *will give Brooke my milk while I have it, so at least it won't be going to waste! I'm hoping to kick it quicker this time. I got some OTC antifungal cream last night and I'm going to use grapefruit seed extract on them, too (home remedy) and keep using that even once it's cleared up.

On a happy note, I woke up yesterday feeling like my old self! Honestly, it was *that quick. I no longer feel depressed all the time. It still hits me once in awhile when I feel my milk letting down or I first start pumping, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was. I know I'm gonna be just fine ; ).

Oh and I changed my first poopy diaper (for Brooke) last night! : ) LOL. Funny the things that make you happy when you're a mom ; ).

Another visit

Doug's mom took me down to the NICU last night and I kangarooed with Brooke again : ). Look how long she is!

She looks like she's hanging off my boob! LOL.

While I was holding her last night, the shifts changed. Her new nurse told me after I was done kangarooing that when I'm holding her like that, I can pull my bra down and let her try to suckle/nuzzle at my breast. She said chances are she won't get anything and will just fall asleep, but it will be good for my milk supply. Brooke definitely knows she should be eating because she roots around and looks for food...it's so cute : ). She was doing it a little while I was holding her, but at that time I didn't know I was "allowed" to let her try. After I was done holding her, her nurse weighed her.

(I blacked out her girly parts, lol.)

She gained 14 grams...half an ounce! (The night before she lost 2 grams.) They are now putting a fortifier in my breastmilk to give her more calories. Right now she's at 22 calories per ounce and they're bumping her to 24 calories per ounce tonight (Ryan came home from the NICU on 24 cal formula.) When her nurse gave her her feeding through her tube last night, first she put a little drop in her mouth. I don't think Brooke quite knew what to think of it. I found out last night that Brooke will be allowed to try nipple feeding when she's 32 weeks. I guess they let babies try it then, but they don't push them if they don't want it. Her nurse thinks she'll be one that's interested. Guess we'll see! Here are some pics from after I was done kangarooing....she was WIDE awake again!

I love this shot.

Bright eyed beauty.

She was sucking on her finger while her feeding was going in ; ).

Letting the cat out of the bag...

I think I've been coming across pretty upbeat and cheerful in my posts, but that's not really how I feel : (. The night Brooke was born, even though she was early, I was so happy and excited when she came out crying and she was only on oxygen and just doing so well. I'm still happy that she's doing so well. But almost all the time, I feel so depressed : (. It's gotten progressively worse since leaving the hospital. At first it was only when I pumped, but now it's (like I said) almost all the time. I've been coming across really grouchy and crabby to everyone and I have a really short fuse with Ryan. I feel so cheated to have had another preemie and not gotten to experience "full term" once again. And now I know I never will and that's really hit me hard. I also worry about Brooke having long term problems from her prematurity because even though she's doing so well right now, you just never know. I know she will come out on top no matter what, just like her big brother Ryan, but it still bothers me. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for (and I am!), but I just can't shake this funk I'm in. I think I'm going to call my doctor's office tomorrow and ask for something. It was something they mentioned when they were discharging me and I think I'm going to have to take them up on it. I want to be HAPPY again. I just feel like I had to get that off my chest!

Nothing new to report on Brooke. She's still doing well and her only issue at the moment are the A's and B's she's still having, but it's not a concern (so not really even an issue, I guess). I'm supposed to be going down later today with Doug's mom and I can't wait. At least when I'm there I don't feel as depressed.