A birthday vent

The day started out fine, not really sure what happened. But now I just have this constant anxious feeling and am on the verge of tears. I hate when I get like this and can't even pinpoint exactly what the issue is. Luckily it doesn't happen very often anymore. But when it does it can be hard to snap myself out of it.

Sometimes I think it's just that life in general feels SO overwhelming....being an adult and a mother and worrying about everything that goes along with that. I tend to worry a lot....sometimes about things I really shouldn't worry about because there's no point in it.

My school situation (or lack thereof) has me SERIOUSLY anxious and stressed out. I feel like I have to go to school, but I really don't WANT to. It's more than not *wanting to...like I said, I am really freaking out about it...to the point it makes me cry.

Today I am also thinking about my birthday two years ago when I was readmitted to the hospital in labor with Brooke, wondering how much longer I was going to be able to keep her safe inside. She turns 2 on Friday and I think it is also hitting me that she is my LAST baby and she really isn't a baby anymore :*(. I don't even know that I would ever want another baby, but the fact that I *can't* have anymore is hard to swallow sometimes....and I will always miss my kids as babies. It goes by SO fast, yet those early days can seem to drag on forever.

Well, this is a pretty depressing post, huh? Ugh. Thought it would help me feel better to type it out, but I don't think it really worked. Oh well.