:::yawn:::

I never knew how exhausting being pregnant could be! I never really got tired with Zachary and Ryan, even in the beginning. But fatigue was one of my symptoms when I got pregnant in July and it's back with a vengeance this time! By the time 3pm rolls around, I am fighting to keep my eyes open, and I'm in bed by 9. I think I'm going to have to start trying to nap when Ryan is in school. When he's home it's hit or miss on whether or not he'll nap. Other than being tired (and having a slight cold), I'm feeling pretty good otherwise. No morning sickness yet, but I definitely do still feel pregnant. I can't believe I have another 3 weeks to go until my first appointment! I hope it goes by fast. I'm so nervous about miscarrying again. It sucks to have to inspect the toilet paper every time you go to the bathroom. But what sucks even more is that even when I get out of the 1st trimester, I'll still have worries, just different ones. Sometimes I'll let myself sit and daydream about having a big ol' belly and not being able to see my feet and having trouble sleeping and being able to see the baby move from the outside and all that stuff. But most of the time I just try to live in the moment b/c I've now had 2 pregnancies that did not end in bringing a baby home. So it's hard for me to imagine that day. Even with Ryan we weren't sure it would ever come. I wish I could be one of those naive pregnant women again whose biggest worry was what theme to decorate the nursery or what to name the baby. But to me being pregnant is scary and it's hard for me to remember what it was like when I was pregnant with Zachary and not knowing what was coming and being one of those naive pregnant women. And now I also worry about something being wrong with the baby. I guess I've seen/read too many sad stories on the interenet. Oh well. I just gotta hope and pray for the best and know that what happens is what is meant to be and that God knows what he's doing ; ).