The kids are doing okay, I guess. Ryan's tantrums and attitude are worse than ever. Last night he threw a really big tantrum while playing the Wii, which resulted in my dad yelling at him (which I can count on one hand how many times my dad has yelled at Ryan in the 5 years he's been alive, so what does *that tell you?). It took forever to get Ryan calmed down (not b/c of my dad yelling at him...or at least not *only b/c of that...he just takes FOREVER to calm down when he's upset/angry) and I ended up taking him upstairs to do so. I finally got him calmed down and we were coming back downstairs and he fell (rolled) down the steps : /. The steps are carpeted, as well as the dining room floor he landed on, and he didn't get hurt, but he was VERY upset. Ugh, what a night it was.
Brooke has not been drinking as much as she was, but it's not significantly less and I don't *think it has to do with the new surroundings or anything because she seems to cycle between eating really well to eating not so well. I had her in for her 2nd synagis shot on Wednesday and she weighed 14lbs. 6.5oz., so she gained 1lb. exactly in 4 weeks, which is really good so apparently her body knows what it needs : ). She has not been sleeping great, although the last 2 nights have gone better. Again, this is something that started before we moved in here. For some reason, she stopped sleeping through the night. She started going to bed earlier (by 9 most nights vs. 10-10:30), but I don't think that has anything to do with her not sleeping all night either because she's been waking usually around 2am to eat, so it doesn't make sense that she would go from sleeping 10 to 7am to sleeping from 9 to 2am, ya know? Anyway, the last 2 nights are the only nights that she's *only woken once to eat and gone right back to sleep and stayed in her bed. Every other night, she's been up at least one other time aside from waking to eat and has ended up in bed with me before morning. Hopefully we're getting away from that trend b/c I just don't sleep well with her in bed with me. She's also spent the last 4 nights in the pack'n'play instead of the crib and for some reason seems to do better in there.
Wednesday afternoon, Doug's mom took me and Brooke to her synagis appointment. Then we picked Ryan up at my mom and dad's and went to Denny's for dinner. Doug met us there. Originally we were just going up to the mall to take the kids to see Santa, hence why Doug was going as well (and his mom just likes to go along...my parents were going to go, too, but to be honest, they aren't ready to see Doug yet). So we ate at Denny's and then went to the mall. The kids did great with Santa (Brooke didn't even cry!) and we got a cute picture, which I unfortunately cannot post b/c my parents don't have a scanner and I can't get a good picture of it with my camera. When I go over to the house to wrap the kids' Christmas presents, I'll try to remember to scan it. We also went to Hallmark and I got Brooke's first Christmas ornament.
I'm pretty peeved because Ryan has these adorable puppy ornaments from there that I just LOVE, like this:
And I've always loved the girly kitten version they had and now that I have a girl, it appears they aren't making them (or the puppy ones) anymore!!
It's not like I can buy them off Ebay or anything, either, because they all have the year on them : (. Oh well. What can ya do?
I've saved myself for last in this little update. I'm not doing that great. Before I moved out, I was all gung ho for this and deep down, I know it's the right thing to do. But it's getting harder and harder to actually live with the decision. It is hard being a single parent and I've only been at it for a week (AND I have a bit of help from my parents). Some days I just don't feel like doing it. It all seems so hard and so overwhelming. But this is what I HAVE to do and I just have to keep trucking. I never thought my life would end up like this....
The kids are going with Doug tonight to his company's kids' Christmas party. Hopefully they behave, especially Ryan AKA Mr. Attitude. Tomorrow the kids and I and my mom are going to an out of town birthday party. Zachery's mom, Heather, and I started talking over 5 years ago on an AOL message board while we were pregnant with Ryan and Zachery. We discovered we live less than 2 hours apart! Her and her husband, Jeramy, and baby Zach came to Ryan's 1st birthday party and the rest is history! We've been great friends ever since : ). This is my first time EVER making the drive out there and I'm a bit nervous b/c I just don't like driving all that much (and there's no way my mom would drive, lol), but I really want to see them, so I'm sucking it up and doing it!
Well, Brooke is starting to fuss, so I better go see what she needs. Tootles.
9 comments:
I think you should see a counselor and maybe get on some anti depressants to feel better. While I don't know all of your story or your situation, its apparent from what I've read here that you are suffering from some kind of depression and honestly, when your mind isn't clear its really hard to deal with the day to day routine. It's sad that now you're going to have 2 kids in a broken home, especially after trying so hard and long to get pregnant with your daughter. I wish you all well and maybe you can go to couples counseling to save your family? Short of your husband being a pedophile or a murderer, I think everyone deserves another chance. Maybe you should both realize you have two kids now and you need to do whats best for them!
((((((((((((Jen))))))))))))
Obviously there's someone reading your blog who doesn't know a single thing about your situation.
We're very excited to see you tomorrow, really hoping you keep the nerve to drive!
Hang in there~ you're very loved and, in the end, you will come out on top of all this.
Love ya!
Your stronger than you know Jen!!! and I really do mean that. Your a great mom and you've been a great friend over the years. I have no doubt in my mind that your going to be just fine. It's always hard in the begining but have faith in yourself!!! ((Jen))
I'm a friend of Dani's and I've been reading your blog for a little while because your kids are so cute and their preemie stories interested me. I hope you don't mind. If you do, please let me know.
About the ornaments, we had the same Hallmark ones for my son and last year we found out that they were not making them anymore. Luckily, our Hallmark store was selling them all and they had NO dates on them (for the people who wanted to stock up, I assume). So maybe you can still find them on eBay, dateless, and write your own dates on them.
I feel your pain though, because my husband and I also started a set of ornaments for our son and I found out this year that they were discontinued (thru Carlton Cards/Heirloom ornaments). We only have 2 of them now, as this Christmas will be his 3rd. Some advance notice woulda been nice, I was excited about buying them!
I dont know who wrote the annon. comment but @@
Its sad people cant admit who they are when they *give advice*
Jen.. your doing good mama. Ryan is at *that age* as it is. You guys will all work through this, and I have faith in you & your amazing parenting skills.
Keep in touch with me, and LMK if I can help out, ok??
{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}
Being a single mom IS hard. You can do it though! I survived 4 years of it..of course, I only had one child at the time. If you ever need to talk, my email and IMs are always open!!!
(((((Jen))))) Shame on the annonymous person @@ *I* don't know details about your situation, but I've never once even thought about judging you. I have not walked a mile in your shoes!!!
((Jen)) your a strong woman and you WILL get through this, you HAVE to believe that. I dont know everything thats going on, or what happened with Doug, but you are a great mom and you can do it. Ryan is at the age that he is going to act out, Jaiden does it all the time and he makes me crazy!!! I hope you have fun at the birthday party and even though its a bit of a drive, it will be good for you to get out and see someone who makes you happy!!
Jen you are a great Mom and a great person. You can do this. Don't let anyone make you doubt your decisions. You do what's best for you and your family (((hugs))) The anonymous person needs to grow a pair and post under their real name instead of hiding.
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