Happy Halloween!

Yesterday Ryan had a "fall party" at school and last night was Trick-or-Treat. He had fun at his party and even let them paint a ghost on his face! Shocking to me because he's very funny about things like that, so I was proud of him : ). T.O.T. went well. Ryan listened and Brooke wasn't crabby at all! I think she was a tad confused, though. LOL. We just go up and down our street and then drive over to my mom and dad's house so they can see the kids in their costumes and get their treats from them. Even though we only do one street, Ryan still gets plenty of candy! Okay, now for some pictures!

Have you ever known a kid that wanted to be a bowling pin before??? LOL. This kid is obsessed with bowling! My sister's boyfriend's mom made him this costume and check out the bag...she made it to look like a bowling ball! He was soooo happy : ). He wasn't dressed for T.O.T. here, just trying his costume on.

Cutest little piggy ever. She was less than thrilled with her costume.

Love her face here.

Ryan after school, wearing his Halloween shirt! He has a name tag on from school, I'm assuming so parents that were there helping knew the kiddos by name. Maybe I'll make it in to help with the Christmas party.

His ghost.

His loot bag from school. He got enough there that we didn't even need to go T.O.T.'ing. LOL.

Getting ready to head out. It was pretty chilly when we started and cold when we finished up!

Ryan and Brooke with their cousins. Tyler, the one holding Brooke, was dressed as Troy Polomalu from the Steelers. LOL.

Getting ready to head to my mom and dad's. Look at her rosy cheeks and red nose! We were only out for an hour. I tell ya what, there are some idiot parents out there that do NOT know how to dress their kids properly for T.O.T. in cold weather. We saw this lady with twins that could not have been even 2 years old, wearing thin costumes and what looked like nothing or *very little under them! Poor babies : (.

Ryan showing off his treat bag at my mom and dad's.

His costume from behind.

She fell asleep in the car.

Just getting home. Look at her tail! ; )

She was acting so silly when I got her out of her costume, lol.

Scroll down for pictures...

I started uploading pictures here Monday and finished today. When I posted, it bumped it down to Monday. So if you want to see some new pictures, scroll down or click here! : )

Haircut

Ryan and I both got much, much needed haircuts yesterday. I don't have after pics of him yet, but I have some before and afters of me. I can't believe I'm posting these because I usually HATE pictures of myself. LOL. Oh well.

Before

After

So what do you think?

My hair never used to be this wavy/curly. Now it wasn't stick straight, but it wasn't like this, either. I used to be able to get a cute chin length bob and curl it under with a brush while blow drying it and it looked *awesome. My hair will NOT do that anymore. It is SO, SO, SO thick (it's always been thick, but it's gotten thicker since having kids) that it would take FOREVER and a day to blow dry it and then it just poofs up anyway. So this is the hairstyle I think I am pretty much stuck with!

Of course, today when I got out of the shower I just pulled it back in to a ponytail anyway : /.

Brave little girl!

I took Brooke for shots yesterday. She got one in each leg. She did not cry!! She started to fuss for a second after the first one, until the nurse started talking to her and then she did not make a peep for the 2nd one! Both times she got a very shocked look on her face, though. LOL. She was pretty crabby last night, but I think it was more because she did not get a good nap yesterday afternoon, not necessarily due to the shots. I did give her some Tylenol, though. She slept great last night, from about 10:30 (went down awake for the first time at bedtime and went to sleep without crying/fussing!) until 8! Then she went back up to her crib about a quarter to 9 and she's still sleeping now a little over an hour later! She LOVES her crib! YAY : ).

And she weighed 13lbs. 6oz.! So she gained 1.5lbs. in a month. The doctor was happy with that and so am I : ). At least I know she's eating enough!

Pics coming later hopefully, since I FINALLY figured out I could put some up without have to resize them and all that jazz!

Lots of recent pictures!

These are out of order, but at least I was able to upload them without resizing and resaving and all that crap. LOL. They are all from this month, though!

I wanted her to wear this dress on Thanksgiving, but it's not going to fit anymore by then, lol. I got this at a yardsale this summer new with tags for like $4.00!

Stuck up little snob ; ). LOL.

She is forever sticking out her tongue anymore, lol. And look, that's a MEDIUM diaper cover! A little big, but she'll be fitting in to it great in no time.

Doug's mom picked Ryan up this Steelers helmet at the 2nd hand store she works at! Isn't it cute? He LOVES it! He even has a Steelers football to "match".

She was sitting on the couch and fell over, so she decided to just lay there and suck her thumb!

Practicing cutting...look how he's holding the scissors, lol.

Homework time! Can you see his tongue sticking out? LOL.

Happy 7 Months, Brooke!

One year ago this month, I found out I was pregnant! I was happy, yet scared. Scared of losing her like we lost Zachary. Yet here we are, one year later with a 7 month old healthy baby girl :*). God is good! No...God is GREAT!

She is not yet sitting up on her own, but she does great with support. She doesn't stay on her tummy long enough to try to scoot yet. She can almost roll back to belly, but still isn't able to get her arm out from under her. She LOVES to stand. It makes her so happy. She's very observant and is always looking around and checking things out. Out of the last 2 weeks, she's slept through the night all but maybe 3 nights, which is GREAT, and I'm really hoping we're turning the corner on that and soon she won't wake up at all (or at least rarely). She's been napping in her crib the last couple days and goes down awake and falls asleep on her own AND sleeps longer! She really seems to love her crib : ). I turn on her Dreamscapes Soother and that does the trick. Sometimes she fusses a little bit and I go in and comfort her a little bit without picking her up and she settles right down. Other times, she doesn't make a peep before going to sleep. She's still been eating every 2 hours during the day, which honestly sucks, but I deal with it. She takes between 3.5-4oz. at a time usually, but if she goes longer than 2 hours (like the other day we were out and about and she didn't seem to want to eat, so we fed her when we got home and it had been 3.5 hours), she won't take any more than that! Is that weird? Her tracking for Early Intervention is coming up soon (beginning of next month), so I'll update on that about how she's progressing. She may qualify for services this time. Last time she was borderline for a 4 month old, but I know she's further behind at 7 months for her actual age than she was for 4 months. But I also think she's above a 4 month (her adjusted age) level in most areas, so that's good!

Okay, the little peanut is waking up for a nap, so I gotta go! Thanks for reading : ).

P.S. She goes back in for shots tomorrow...I can't wait to see how much she weighs!

Little Cupcake

Made by Kimi from http://www.atwistedstitch.com/

: )

So....

There's something I haven't shared on here or told many people about at all, actually. It occurred to me last week that I might be suffering from postpartum depression (PPD). Some of this is REALLY hard for me to admit and it's going to sound terrible, but I have to get it out there...especially for others that might be going through something similar. You are not alone!

I wanted another baby for a LONG time and for awhile, I never thought it would happen. I started wanting to try again, but Doug didn't come around for a long time after that. I didn't think he ever would. I wanted another baby and I knew what taking care of a baby entailed. But I have many moments lately where I just feel so empty and overwhelmed and wish that I could go back to only having Ryan. (Isn't that HORRIBLE??) Life was so much easier...I mean, he's 5 now! He doesn't need me as much as Brooke needs me. Sometimes I just feel TOO needed. Sometimes I just feel like running away. I get frustrated very easily and am quick to lose my temper. Sometimes I don't even feel like "dealing with" Brooke. But I do. Rest assured, she has not been neglected in any way. I don't feel like this ALL the time. Sometimes I honestly enjoy her and taking care of her and I just sit and think about how blessed I am to have these 2 miracles in my life. I really am blessed! It's getting harder to see that at times, though. I knew this could not be normal. Not to the extent I'm feeling it anyway. When I was pregnant with her, I was so scared of losing her like we lost Zachary. I counted down the weeks, praying she would stay put in my womb. I was SO excited for her to be in our lives. So no, what I'm feeling cannot be normal!

Yesterday, I went to see the midwife at my OB/GYN's office. I filled out the PPD screening thing and the she said my score was pretty high. She asked if I'd had any problems with depression or anxiety in the past. When I was a junior in high school, I was hospitalized for 10 days with depression. It was bad...worse than it is now and I didn't want it to get that bad. Back then I was to the point where I couldn't even bring myself to smile. I didn't feel like doing ANYTHING. Long story short, I ended up in the hospital like I said. They put me on Zoloft and Klonopin and it really helped. I was on it for about a year and then was okay to come off it. I told the midwife about this and she gave me a prescription for Zoloft since that helped me before. She also had me get bloodwork done to check my thyroid. I'm supposed to call in 2 weeks if I'm not feeling any better and I go back the beginning of December to see her.

Hopefully I'm on the road to feeling like myself again!

Tagged by Amanda!

I was tagged by Amanda yesterday! I have to tell you 6 things that make me happy and then pass it on.

1. my family
2. reading a good book
3. Chinese food
4. hearing my kids laugh
5. being able to sleep all night (8-9 hour straight) without having to get up to feed a baby
6. my camera/taking pictures of my kids

Passing this on to....
BB
Brandi
Valerie

Night #2 in the crib

So last night, Brooke drank a bottle around 9:45 and I took her up and laid her down asleep around 10:10 and started getting ready for bed myself. Not even five minutes later, her eyes just popped open and she was wide awake. I should have just let her lay there for a bit, but I was SO tired that I just picked her up, swaddled her again, and rocked/jiggled her to sleep. I laid her down again at about 10:30 and she stayed asleep. So she went to bed an hour and a half earlier. But she didn't even sleep for 6 hours and woke at a little after 4 to eat. Drives me bonkers how she can go 9-10 hours one night and only 5-6 hours other nights. LOL. But she drank her bottle and was sleeping again by 4:45. Of course, Ryan was up at 6....

BUT I am happy that she is sleeping the same in her crib as she did in her bassinet and not waking frequently or anything like that! Tonight I'm going to try swaddling her before she gets her bedtime bottle (because she almost always falls asleep while drinking it) and see if that makes a difference when I lay her down the first time!

Look where Brooke slept last night...

She finally graduated from her bassinet. LOL. The little stinker did not go to sleep and stay asleep until midnight! I was worried that she would be up and down a lot last night with sleeping in a new place, but she slept until almost 9am! I tried laying her down awake and at first I thought she was actually going to lay there and drift off to sleep, but that was not the case. She eventually started fussing and crying and I was worried about her waking Ryan up, so instead of letting her fight it out a little bit longer (because I *know she can suck her thumb and put herself to sleep, she just didn't want to), I ended up getting her and rocking her to sleep. Problem was I would have to get up off the bed to put her in the crib (didn't have to do that when she was in the bassinet because I could just reach right over and put her in) and she kept waking up. I'd try laying her down anyway and she would start crying again. Finally I tried swaddling her (which we haven't done with her in MONTHS because she started hating it) and left her left hand out so her thumb was available and I don't know if that's what did it or she was just finally ready to go to sleep, but she finally stayed asleep when I laid her down! As you can see from the picture, she did NOT stay swaddled, but I didn't expect her to because I didn't wrap her very tightly. I did expect her to roll around some, but she didn't move all night, lol. I bet it felt great to be able to stretch out, though, instead of being draped across the Boppy pillow in the bassinet. LOL.

At the moment, her crib is in our room, beside the bed but up against the wall. I would take a picture of the whole room, but it is a MESS. We have no storage space in this house aside from 2 small closets in Ryan's room, a small closet in the bathroom, a closet right inside the back door, and the attic. It's terrible!

Anyway, hopefully tonight Brooke goes to sleep earlier and sleeps just as well!

:::yawn:::

I knew it was too good to last. The last 2 mornings Brooke was up at 5 to eat. Nothing in her evening schedule/routine has changed. It's so frustrating knowing she can sleep all night until 7:30, but then being woken at 5 because she decides she needs to eat for whatever reason. LOL. I'm really hoping that the fact that she's not sleeping through the night yet (on a consistent or even mostly consistent basis) doesn't mean that this is going to be a loooong term thing with her. I know some babies/kids just don't sleep through the night for a year or two and I'm praying that is not the case with her, lol. This mommy does not do good on little or broken sleep. Maybe I'll just start staying up at 5am if she gets up at that time because I think I may feel better than I do when I try to go back to sleep for another hour or so (because she usually doesn't go back to sleep for 30-45 minutes after she wakes and Ryan is almost always up by 7).

I KNOW we got super lucky with Ryan's sleep habits. When he came home from the NICU, we had to feed him every 3 hours around the clock. THAT was hard (Brooke came home eating every 4 hours, which was better). Then he went back in 2 weeks later with congestive heart failure and was in for 3 weeks. Came home for 5 days and was still eating every 3 hours, but went back in for pneumonia and was in another 3 weeks. When he came home that time, he had a feeding tube through his nose (long story) and we had to work him back up to taking all his bottles by mouth (which luckily was no problem) and I had to get up in the middle of the night to change his feeding bag. But once he got back on all bottles, we were allowed to let him sleep all night if he wanted to and see if he gained okay, and he did both! At that point he was about 9 months actual/5 months adjusted. And he's slept through the night ever since, minus when he was younger and would be sick and then one phase he went through around 2 years where he would wake up occasionally crying in the middle of the night.

Soooo Brooke is not yet as old as he was when he started sleeping through the night (she has another month and a half to go), so I'll try not to worry about her NOT sleeping through the night until then. LOL.